Every day, no matter our age, we continue to work out who we are, where we belong and where we “fit” in all aspects of our lives. The friendship groups that make us feel at ease. The activities that give us joy. The community in which we feel at home. The cultural practices that make sense. The relationships that make us feel loved and valued. The career path that challenges and inspires us.
Join the wrong friendship group and you have to pretend to be happy. Participate in the wrong activity and you have to pretend to feel fulfilled. Enter the wrong relationship and you have to pretend to be happy while dreaming of someone else. Pursue the wrong career and you have to pretend to be motivated while feeling dissatisfied, disillusioned and frustrated by the tasks and the work environment around you. Choose the wrong college and you have to pretend that you fit when in fact you feel like you are out of place or, even worse, an imposter doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.
In the university admission process, all too often, young people pretend to be who they are not. They make choices about which college to apply to so that they impress others rather than understand who they are, what they want and where they will be happy. They pretend that they will belong when they know that they won’t, and pretend the path forward is for them when in fact it is for someone else.
Completing any required application forms is easy but when writing application essays and supplements a great challenge is to have the courage to stop pretending.
It is clear when someone fits the university to which they are applying as their enthusiasm comes across as real and tangible. It lives in each and every word in their essays and their writing is genuine, honest, and true! When writing your application essays and supplements lose the pretence and…
- Be authentic, true to yourself and answer from your heart and avoid the trap of self-deception and make-believe.
- Write your story and what you want to say rather than trying to impress or focusing on what you think others want to hear.
- Show your human side as it’s ok to be vulnerable. Demonstrate how you tried to or overcame any hurdles. Readers like to know that they are not the only ones with flaws or who face struggles.
- Match your “voice” in your writing to who you are in reality. A reader should be able to “hear” you through your words. They should be able to match you with your writing if they met you face-to-face.
- Focus on you in your writing and not the people, objects, experiences and places around you. Readers want to get to know you and not a relative, vacation or book that you read.
- Tell your story as if you are telling it to your favourite relative. Maybe it’s an aunt, uncle or grandparent that makes you feel safe, secure, supported and loved. Remember that admission officers want to admit you rather than reject you, they are on your side.
- Get someone who doesn’t know you well, to read your essay to see if they “hear” your voice. Sometimes friends and family know you “too well” and read too much into your writing that is not actually there… they hear your voice when it is not actually there.
Final thoughts
Undergraduate education is not just about learning content, gaining life experience and networking. It is about exploring who you are, what you think is important and determining what sort of person you want to be. Some students choose wisely and their university experiences enhance their lives immeasurably. Others, however, attend institutions, where they don’t belong, where they don’t fit and their experience is crushing! If you have to pretend to be someone you are not, to get into a particular university then maybe, just maybe, it’s not the university where you should be heading.
School, university, life… They are all part of the same journey. We continue to explore who we are, where it is that we belong and where we truly “fit”. Don’t wait until tomorrow to start working out where things “feel” right and where you don’t have to pretend to be someone you are not. Be you!